“Low-Key Staged Reading” to Require More Rehearsals Than Broadway

A Smelly Studio at Champions: Despite a Hackstage.com listing advertising a “Super fun, easy performance opportunity” sources reported Tuesday that the Pinkerton Players’ staged reading of The Iceman Cometh has spun wildly out of control. Director Sam Heany has reportedly called over 200 hours of rehearsal for the 6 actors sharing the roles in the O’Neill classic.

“When I auditioned, I was told we’d have one rehearsal directly before the performance,” confided actor Lynn Mayer, “but this reading has completely taken over my life. I quit my day job and my boyfriend dumped me. I’m still waiting on my MetroCard reimbursement, but I’m sure it’ll be any day now.”

This gender-bent, musical version of the play will be set in a refugee camp and lit only by candle light. The director stated that he hopes to explore sexulaity, toxic masculinity, our political system, the rise of climate change, the fall of Nixon, and the Summer of Love. “It’s a lot to take on in a single piece,” said director Heany, “and I’ve asked my actors to commit themselves fully to the production. But of course, I understand that actors have day jobs, and would never ask anyone to rehearse more than 14 hours a day.”

The reading, while elaborate, is merely a precursor to a full production which Heany hopes to mount by 2020. At presstime, the GoFundMe Page for the full production had raised $317 of its $10,000 goal.