OP ED: I’m Just Here for the Step and Repeat

In light of our director’s effusive speech at the first rehearsal for “Damn Yankees!” at Pinkerton Players Regional Theater, I feel compelled to address the true reason for my participation in this production. When I first auditioned for this contract, I was skeptical about the pay, location and the choice of show. In fact, I didn’t even memorize my 16 bars. That being said, I was cast. Upon receiving the offer, I was hesitant to accept. I let the email languish in my inbox for a whole weekend. On the one hand, this was an opportunity to perform. On the other hand, I just made a trip to Costco and bought a lot of items in bulk that I worried would go bad.

However, as I weighed my options, one salient fact stood kept popping to the forefront: Pinkerton Players has a beautiful step and repeat and a professional photographer at every opening. Aside from my thick head of hair, my Instagram presence is perhaps my greatest professional accomplishment to date. The chance to strut and fret my hour upon the step and repeat was too great to pass up.

So here I sit, enduring the full cast rehearsal of “Shoeless Joe from Hannibal, MO,” and dreaming of my moment to come in two and a half weeks. Let me state for the record, I won’t learn my lines, I can’t be trusted on the harmony and I will not be joining you for drinks after rehearsal. If you need me, I’ll be using the one outlet in the shared bathroom to blow dry my glorious head of hair for 45 minutes each morning.