Savage Sixth Graders Destroy Shakespearean Actor

A Middle School in Connecticut: Chaos broke out at the Williston Middle School Friday assembly, when a visiting Shakespearean Actor ripped his pants during a school assembly.

Teachers reported that the actor, Dino Young, was in the middle of some complicated sword play, when his trousers ripped slightly at the crotch. The previously catatonic crowd of sixth graders immediately dissolved into peals of cruel laughter and shouts of “Your pants are ripped!”

Young, a consummate professional, finished the fight and a short soliloquy before being booed off the stage by an unforgiving crowd of tweens. Sources confirmed that the Stage manager had to call hold, while they waited for the children to stop screaming.

Following the incident, Young has announced he is retiring from show business, stating only “Last summer I got a bad review from Ben Brantley. This was much, much worse.”