Auntie Gina Excited to Spend Oscar Night Laying Into Your Career

Pouring herself a third glass of wine and settling deep into the folds of her favorite La-Z-Boy Recliner, Auntie Gina reported Friday that she was ready to spend Oscar night dissecting your highly mediocre year since graduation. Her fuzzy socks and her large bag of Bugles indicate she will be staying for the long hall and will not be leaving to take a nap as she did mid-SAG Awards.

If tonight is anything like last year, Gina will use the red carpet to compare you to Jennifer Lawrence, ("She must go to the gym every day! And no Chipotle I bet!") She will then spend the rest of the evening asking why you weren’t in La La Land. (“You can do everything Emma Stone does!”) Finally, she will recommend you send your headshot to Ben Affleck’s production company, (“He’s from Boston just like you!”)

At presstime, Gina was also planning on bringing up your lack of an agent, her high school pal who had a line on Law and Order SVU, and if there’s still time, you ex-boyfriend Nate. In all fairness, he was so handsome and he’s going to be an engineer!