First Year Student Filmmaker Already Showing Little to No Promise!

A Freshman Year Film Class: Despite a passion for “anything by M. Night Shyamalan” and a boxed collection of The Star Trek Series, sources reported Monday that Freshman filmmaker Dylan Crosby is already showing a zero signs of talent or progress in any of his film classes.

Armed with a Cannon 60D camera and a cast of fellow scrawny white boys, Crosby believed he had all the necessary components of a “dope short film.” However, after viewing “CROSSWALK,” a visibly perturbed Professor Parker Herman confessed, “I sometimes see students struggle as they adjust to the the first few months of film school, but Crosby's film is remarkably bad...everyday he defies the low expectations that I have for him."

As evidenced by the amount of squirming and texting throughout Crosby’s piece, most of the class seemed to agree with Professor Parker.

“It’s almost as if he has never watched a film in his entire life,” stated one classmate who wished to remain anonymous. “That was the opposite of a narrative arc…also I am not convinced he has ever spoken to a woman/heard a woman talk."

But amidst the critics Crosby did have a fan or two. “I loved the part where the girl took her top off! So brave.” confessed one Freshman. “And the black and white shots of Astor Place were very artsy! EPIC!"

At press time Crosby was posting multiple casting notices on Backstage for his next film entitled "THE GIRL!"