“Difficult” Non-Union Actor Feels Entitled to Basic Human Decency

A Sad Day of Appointments: Sources reported that Friday at 11am, Non union actress Dena D. Ward, was blacklisted from the greater New England Theatre community for asking for “some basic human decency” from the creative team behind the table.

“I honestly just wanted some acknowledgement when I entered the room, so I said ‘hi.’ I guess that looked needy” stated Ward, after re-packing the 3 bags full of clothing and shoes that she brought to the audition. “In any case,” she continued, “I was really hoping they would let me get through my full six bars before they threw my headshot in the garbage.”

Ward, who had traveled from NYC to Boston to audition for Sprigg Lake Regional Theatre’s Oklahoma, admitted that the long travel morning may have contributed to her wild requests. “I was definitely tired, so it was probably outrageous to think that they would see me within an hour of my appointment. And it’s a lot to ask of the monitor to tell me whether I had time to go to the bathroom. Next time I will be sure to thank them for letting me sing five of my six allotted bars.”

Ben Riker, a representative from the Sprigg Lake Theatre commented, “There won’t be a next time. We have plenty of non-union ladies who would die to work for access to a shared hulu account and free laundry. We don’t need someone complaining because the housing doesn’t have air conditioning. Or windows. Or smoke detectors. This industry is too hard from anyone to think they are entitled to anything. NEXT!”

At press time, Ward was boarding a bus back to New York, in order to make it to Nola studios in time to sign up for the open call for “Cat Sees Dog,” a 26-month long, non-Union children's theater tour.