Arriving Cast of As You Like It Destroys Sleepy Vermont Town

Billingham, VT

As the fires raged around them, the citizens of Billingham, Vermont took refuge in the basement of Town Hall. With haggard looks, every single man, woman and child seemed to be silently pleading, “How did we get here?”

The cause of the destruction mayhem? The cast of Stoneybrook Summer Theater’s AS YOU LIKE IT.

Just two weeks ago, Billingham was a quiet hamlet situated on the southeast shores of Lake Champlain. Its rich history dates all the way back to 1795 when the town was founded by Ezra Billing, a lawyer and revolutionary war hero. Upon the day of the town’s founding, Billing declared the town motto “Friendship, Honor and Temperance.”

Sadly, thanks to the cast of As You Like It, Billing’s vision for the town that bears his name has been mangled beyond recognition.

The chaos began on Monday, June 13, when fifteen actors moved into the artist's’ residence at Stoneybrook Summer Theater on Mills Road. Though Stoneybrook has hosted actors without major incident in the past, it was immediately clear that this group was different. “From the moment they arrived, the yelling never stopped,” said Kathy Gurney, who lives next door to the actor house, “it was so loud that I couldn’t even hear my baby crying in the next room.”

Noise complaints turned out to be the least of everyone’s worries, however, once the actors ventured away from their housing and into town. After “accidentally” burning down Prickett’s, the local dockside bar, the actors moved on to Milton’s Grocery, a family-owned grocery store in the center of town. An impromptu demonstration of contact improv lead to disaster, according to store owner Ernie Milton, who said that the structural damages to the building are likely beyond repair.

Although two of the cast members were apprehended by authorities after the grocery store incident, the other 13 continued their rampage on the town square, finally pulling down the town’s beloved bronze statue of Ezra Billings in front of the courthouse. Sensing that the situation was beyond hope, long time residents of Billingham quickly gathered what they could carry on their backs and fled on foot. At presstime, at least three-quarters of the town’s 1,200 residents had abandoned their beloved town to the actors.

Those who stayed congregated in the town hall, where the basement has been converted into an emergency holding center. Mary Tolbey, Artistic Director at Stoneybrook offered this response when reached for comment, “We request that everyone remain calm for the remainder of our rehearsal period. If you see an actor on the street stay as still as possible until they pass you. For your own safety, DO NOT approach them for any reason. We hope you will join us in two weeks for what we are sure will be an EXPLOSIVE production of William Shakespeare’s ‘As You Like It.’”