Nonunion Actress To Play the Role of "Disgruntled Waitress" for the Summer of 2016:

New York: Insisting that summer stock isn’t “artistically fulfilling anyway,” Astoria transplant Thalia Mcbane will be staying in New York for the summer to wait tables and complain about her lack of opportunities.

Mcbane, who reportedly spent $80,000 on a BFA, specialized in “experimental yelling” and “moving through water” within her college’s drama department. “I am glad that I can act like an animal,” said Mcbane “but my college really didn’t prepare me for the eight bar audition cut. And I am really mad that no one taught me to use a curling iron.”

At presstime, Mcbane was asking for more money from her family, and practicing her monologues with her customers. “My acting teacher told me I should go out and get life experience to draw on anyway, so I guess glaring at customers when they ask for extra ketchup falls into that category,” said Mcbane over the phone on Monday.

She is also reportedly signed up to take some One on One classes, “but only the ones where I don’t have to learn any new material.” Mcbane also plans do a cleanse that she will inevitably give up on by mid June.