Fake Equity Card Laminating Ring Uncovered in Non-Union Actors’ Apartment

Photo: Reuters

Brooklyn, New York

Two Non-Union actors were arrested Wednesday and charged with manufacturing and distributing fake equity cards from their apartment in the Bedford-Stuyvesant section of Brooklyn.

Authorities raided the apartment of Aaron Grubs and Catherine Finster on Wednesday night, acting a tip from an anonymous source. In the apartment, they discovered dozens of fake Equity cards in the works and evidence that hundreds more had been produced by the pair. The laminating machine was reportedly hidden in a closet behind what appeared to be hundreds of stolen LaDucas.

A source close to the investigation reports that the two began by producing the cards for themselves in order to gain access to EPAs. “It wasn’t about the health insurance, the self respect, or even the Equity bathrooms. I just really wanted to be in Naked Boys Singing” admitted Grubs somewhat sheepishly. “I am literally perfect for that show, and anyway, why the hell is that show even Equity?”

Finster, however, showed no signs of remorse. “It had become clear to me that I was never going to earn my equity card on my own volition. I am on the whole, remarkably untalented. I just didn’t see a world where someone offered me my card, or even a single EMC point, so I made myself my own.”

When whispers of the scheme began circulating the non-equity community, Grubs and Finster realized that they had the potential to turn an enormous profit with their high quality cards. Authorities plan to use evidence found in the raid to investigate and potentially charge the purchasers of the fake cards, stating, “This is not a drill. We have non-union actors ACTING like they are Equity. We ask that anyone with information regarding the case get in touch with police as soon as possible.”

Actor’s Equity Association did not return requests for comment.