Non-Union Actress Murdered By Angry Mob After Adding Two Names to the Unofficial List

New York, NY

What started out as an average non-union open call quickly turned tragic when one young woman made the fatal mistake of signing more than one name to the unofficial list. Melissa May Harburg, 22, was last seen alive as she was carried off on the shoulders of a furious mob of non-union actors howling for blood.

Sources close to the investigation report that Harburg left the safety of her Hamilton Heights apartment sometime between the hours of 4:00 and 5:00 am to travel to Chelsea Studios to sign the unofficial list for a production of Honk! at Foibles! Dinner Theater in West Virginia. Witnesses say the list began filling especially early that day due to the breakdown’s promises of “Casting Possible Replacements” and “Competitive Stipends.” By the time Harburg arrived at the locked entrance to Chelsea studios around 5:25 am, the list had already swelled to 130 people.

Apparently panicking, Harburg shot off a text to her best friend, Serena Cavaldades, who was reportedly “treating herself” to a 6:00 am wake up. According to police records, Harburg texted Cavaldades, “Up to 131. Want me to sign u up?” Seconds later, White responded with a hearty “F*ck yes. These crazy b*tches i cannot.” Harburg allegedly complied, signing “Serena Rose” (Cavaldades’s stage name) directly under her own with the same pen, in the same handwriting.

Unfortunately for Harburg, there were witnesses to this grave misstep. Ricky White, a construction worker arriving for his morning shift, watched wide-eyed as a group of young women carrying travel mugs and at least 4 duffel bags apiece converged upon Harburg. At first, he says, their threats were verbal. “They were yelling things like ‘traitor’ and ‘Go back where you came from, alto scum,’” White recalled with a shudder.

But what happened next would be even more disturbing. According to eyewitness reports and security camera footage, the crowd of young women, apparently spontaneously and in unison, extracted their still-hot curling irons from their various bags and began chasing Harburg down 26th Street, towards Seventh Avenue. From there it is unclear exactly where the angry mob took Harburg, but she is presumed dead. By 10 am all suspects had returned to the scene of the crime at Chelsea, clad in nude pumps and jewel toned dresses, ready to sing their 16 bars. Luckily, police arrived just in time: the mob was showing signs of inciting violence once again when the monitor announced they would be typing.