Five Things You MUST Ask Every Actress Auditioning for your Student Film
By Dylan Crosby
University of Northern California Film
Class of 2018
"Will you do nudity?"
I like to start with this before a girl has even read for me. Since most of my films are darkly artistic, I almost always include a naked girl in at least one shot, to contribute to the atmosphere. You may not have nudity in your film (pro-tip: consider adding some), but it’s important to know that an actress will go all the way for you. Also if she doesn’t want to do nudity, she’s probably not committed to the craft and will be hard to work with anyway. Mostly I am just interested in if she will show her breasts for my film, but sometimes a script calls for more. Ideally, she will be willing to do nudity for the audition so you can get a sense of what you’ll be working with.
“What are you?”
This is a broad and all encompassing question that gets at a lot information. Some girls will answer with their race or ethnicity and others with their gender. Definitely eliminate the ones that answer with their gender. A lot of people worry that this question will limit them if she turns out to be a different ethnicity than the one they were imagining for the role. In that situation, an easy follow up question is “Would you get a spray tan?”
"Can You Cry on Command?”
Honestly, if you can't cry on command then I can’t really consider you. Acting is a craft that is very hard to evaluate, if you can’t cry when I say so, I can’t tell you how to act. Even if I don’t have crying in my current script, I may add it in later, so I need to know you can do it. Also my friend Mike can do it no problem, and he isn’t even studying acting..
“What’s your favorite film?”
The only acceptable answers are The Godfather, Taxi Driver and any early Tarantino.
“Do you want to get coffee after this?”
It’s helpful if you and your actress have chemistry. How is she going to be your muse if she’s not even willing to go on even one date with you. Just one date. Come on, I’m one of the nice ones! I’m not like all those bad boys you girls like--I’m an artist! I’m sensitive! I want to take you home and show you my Criterion Collection Box Set and my first edition Superman Comics. No? Fine. You’re a frigid bitch and a terrible actress anyway. You’re probably a feminist too. You’ll never work in this town again. Have a nice life.
Dylan Crosby is Sophomore studying film and business. He held three days of auditions for his last project (a 2 minute short entitled “The Girl”) and sometimes he hold auditions “just for the fun of it.” In his free time he likes to play frisbee and harass the girls who live in his dorm. He has a passion for films made by men and a large trust fund. At press time, he had never brought a woman to orgasm.
